Punishment
We struggled with our first boy till we discovered
"time-out". After that, life became much easier. Starting
at a very early age, if the child became raucus, we would
say "hallway!" then lift him and place him near the front
door. He had to stay there for 5 - 20 minutes (dependent
on age and severity of misbehaving) without making a
noise. After a little "training" our boys would go and
sit on the bottom stair and "time-out" themselves (count
to 60 or whatever) with nothing more than a glance from
me. We never hit them but we were relentless in carrying
them into the hallway (repeatedly to begin with - lots of
tantrums!)
This also worked in shops and restaurants if they
misbehaved. We had only to whisper "hallway!" and they
would trot off and squat by the front door for a while.
We were amazed by the results and this carried on until
they were in their teens. Once they were older it became
a joke, of course, but it still worked! By the time they
were too big to pick up they'd say "don't be daft, dad"
if I muttered "hallway" but they would behave themselves
thereafter.
One word of warning. Time-out works ONLY if both
partners agree and pursue it relentlessly. The child MUST
be placed in the hallway and replaced there by gentle
force, if he keeps coming back, until he's been quiet for
the appointed time. It's tedious for the first fortnight.
It's easier with the 2nd child because he sees what's
happening to the first and doesn't fight when it's his
"turn". Also the child must NEVER be allowed to go to his
bedroom when he's naughty. The bedroom must be perceived
as a treat, otherwise when bedtime comes around, he sees
it as punishment. Simple rules which work well but most
people end up beating their children and sending them to
bed. Do that and you've let your child down.
Reward
Rewarding a child when he behaves is equally as
important as punishing when he's naughty. You can decide
for yourself how to reward your child but I would suggest
that public words of praise are better than sweets,
crisps, biscuits and soft drinks*. Get used to hugging
your child and praising him when he is helpful, quiet or
exhibits other desirable traits. Do this spontaneously
(i.e. without being prompted) and do it frequently - at
least once a day.
Reward your child by reading a story. The trend
nowadays is to watch TV and read nothing. This results in
adults who are unable to use their own native language to
communicate effectively. This puts them at a MAJOR
disadvantage. Get your child interested in language NOW.
It will give him confidence. It will help him through
school and in later life. Encourage him to watch
educational programmes on "Discovery" channel etc.
Discourage him from watching cartoons (except "The
Simpsons" which usually teaches good moral values).
*You are what you eat. If you allow your child to
consume foods full of sugar and fat then the child is
likely to become obese in later years. He will also
suffer mood swings and other behavioural problems because
he's not getting the vitamins and minerals that his body
needs. In addition, children can develop intolerances to
foods such as bread (wheat), chocolate, glucose and dyes
used in soft drinks. These can cause mood swings AND
addictions. DON'T let your child demand these and DON'T
use them as treats. Excessive salt is also bad and leads
to strokes in later years. The key is MODERATION.
I recommend most highly that you read the book "You
are what you eat" by Dr Gillian McKeith ( Penguin/Michael
Joseph ISBN 0-718-14765-0 ). By feeding your children the
right food you can extend their lives by 20 years.
Key terms: Don't spank your child. Avoid spanking
children. Don't hit a child. Avoid hitting children.
Punishing your child. Punishing your children.
Controlling your child. Coping with children. Eating the
right food. Avoiding junk food, sugar, salt, saturated
fats.
